Review – Empire: Total War (PC)

Firstly, again, an apology. I realise that Empire has now been out for over two weeks and I still haven't got round to writing a review of it. This is for two reasons. One, like Dawn of War II, this uses Steam to install and therefore took bloody AGES. Literally,  half a day. Then it decided to update before I could play, which took another hour. THEN Steam decided that it had had enough of me shouting obscenities at it and therefore quietly disconnected itself, so I couldn't play the game. I then had to scour the internet to get Steam working again, reboot my computer about nine times and the play it for about 20 minutes before having to rush off to do other things.

Spool forward two weeks and I am finally geared up to play Empire, and rather excited - as you may be able to hear, I gave up recording the podcast after about an hour as I was so eager to conquer to world. So finally, FINALLY, after about two years waiting, I am playing Empire proper. "Intro - menu - singleplayer - Grand Campaign - Britain (obviously) - start ; here goes." Or so I thought. On the face of it, this looks like an updated version of every other Total War game, I noted, noting also that now your buildings (i.e. farms, factories etc.)  are not all in a region's capital - they are spread out all over a region, and can be taken over by an invading army, drawing the enemy out of their capitals to reclaim them. Being English, and therefore xenophobic (or francophobic), I immediately declared war on France, and thus Spain and Louisiana (Catholic both) also. I combined two of my fleets to attack a French one sitting menacingly in the channel, and wanting (obviously) to sample the naval combat, clicked on play battle.

This is how CA(Creative Assembly, the devs) plugged Empire - with BIG wooden battleships, well, pwning each other. This is immensely, HUGELY fun, and absolutely spectacular, even in medium graphics settings. However, there is an inherent flaw in that anything involving more than about four ships quickly descends into abject chaos and basically, the bigger fleet or ships will win. There appears to be a level of tactics to it. For example, ships can fire different kinds of shot - normal, for taking out the enemy's hull and ultimatley sinking it, chain shot for taking out their sails and immobilising them, leaving them helpless to do anything but suffer your punishment, and grape shot to kill the crew on board. There is also the option to board them, often more advisible than just sinking them, as if you are successful in getting the boarded ship to surrender, it becomes part of your fleet. Apparently, you can also use the wind speed and direction to give you an advantage,  but it is beyond me ; I am just not able to comprehend the system. 'Tis lovely, nay, incredible to watch though.

Anyhow, having pwned the French fleet (having twice as many ships as them), I ended the turn, resigning myself to the fact that it will take me about three months to fully grasp the intricacies of Empire's campaign. Speculations that CA would be dumbing down appear to be completley wrong, and the new campaign is not like Med II's, where, if you had played Rome you could just dive in - not by a long shot. There is a new system of government, where you can keep the populace happy by having (say) an absolute monarchy but low taxes or a republic with high ones - I would say that it is that simple, but it isn't, as you may also have to deal with civil wars and such, and...oh go play it yourself. Anyhow, I ended the turn and as the other factions were taking their turns my small fleet in the Caribbean was attacked by a much larger Spanish one. However, my ego being what it is, I figured  I could take them on. So I did. And lost. Spectacularly. Then, as the campaign map was loading, the screen froze. Ctrl+Alt+Del. Ctrl+Alt+Del. CTRL+ALT+DEL!!! Still nothing. Switched computer off.

Switched on again. Loaded Empire again, having lost my fledgling campaign. Never mind, I thought, these things happen. So I started another campaign, but to be different, selected an Indian faction to sample warfare in that area of the world. Campaign loads. Build Things. Attack some enemy farms in a region to see what happens. Result : Enemy attack. Aha, I think, a land battle!

This is where I come into my own. Of course, being Total War, and being Indian, I had elephants, though they were nowhere near as useful as they have been in previous games. The map was spectacular. Hugely detailed, even in medium graphics settings, and about three times bigger than anything before, I was stunned. With the invention and domination of gunpowder, my normal strategy was, ahem, to say the least, flawed. That is, getting all of my 400 cavalry into a block and charging them at a group of enemy infantry by a house. Unfortunately, I hadn't reckoned on the new garrisoning system, whereby you can station troops in strategic buildings on the map. Thus, when my lancers attacked the unit (of line infantry) they came under fire from a unit stationed in a nearby building, and being cavalry, were powerless to stop it, and soon routed. Angered, I sent in my six units of infantry to storm the house, and my elephants then combined with them and the then regrouped cavalry to overcome the meagre enemy force. One new thing I noted was the use of cover : a unit of enemy infantry had ducked behind a wall and every so often popped up to volley and fell another few of my men. However, unlike in most strategy games, walls can be climbed over like in real life, so they too were quickly pwned. Flash on screen : Decisive victory. Loading screen. Freezes. Ctrl+alt+del. Blue screen of death appears.

Reboot PC. Reboot Empire. Start Road to Independence Tutorial-ish campaign, presumably designed to attract Americans who felt left out by previous, somewhat European-based Total War games. Play through a few turns. Crashes. Reboot. Play quick battle. Win. Loading Screen. Crashes. Shout something that rhymes with bucket and stomp off.

This then, is the key problem with ETW - like all Total War games, it is ridiculously bugged on first release, and must rely on later patches to sort out CTD problems. These are not unique to me. Don't for a moment think I haven't been scouring the internet to find assurance that it is the computer, not the game, that is screwed up. Unfortunately, it is the game. And that is why, though I would so desperatley love to give this game five stars, 99/100, I can't. Because though it is all very well saying all Total War games have this problem, it doesn't rectify it. And why? If they have had this problem with every TW game, then why can't they fix it? I feel that CA have let me down, and badly, by releasing a bugged game to meet a deadline, then patching it later. This should not happen. So, though I love this game very, very much, in an almost strange way, I can only give it four stars. Yes, I know it will be patched, but I review the game as it is at the time of the review. And that is BUGGED. Sorry, CA.

Nometet.com says:

+Epic

+OH SO GOOD

+Unbelievably, incredibly detailed and spectacular

+Best TW game yet, by far

-Hugley complex, especially the beautiful naval warfare

-BUGGED. SO BUGGED!

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